2015, you’ve been a funny old year. I’ve never really believed in the whole “new year, new start” thing, but this year I’m secretly hoping it’ll come true. The 1st of January is just another day but, thanks to the timing of things, it falls at a point in my life where I’m desperate for a change to roll in along with the bells. Back in October, I found out I no longer had a job. It had been a little bit unstable for more or less the whole year but I clung on because not only did I love the job itself, but I was also dreading the thought of unemployment and job hunting. I’d already done it once (an 8 month stint after graduating) and it was soul destroying enough the first time around. This time has felt even worse; I’m that little bit older and more experienced, I feel like I don’t deserve to be here again but no matter how many jobs I apply for and how many interviews I go to, I don’t seem to be getting any further forward. I’d like to think I’m a fairly confident person, in the sense that I know what I’m good at and I’m happy within myself, but going through this whole process again has just knocked me down completely. There’s nothing like two post-interview rejections in one day to make you feel utterly useless.
But, as hard as it is to stay motivated and positive, I’m trying not to let this take over. Everything else about my life is perfect (for me, anyway) and now I just need to find a job so I can feel a little bit more secure and start saving for the future, book holidays on a whim, buy things or go on nights out without feeling guilty, and – most importantly – finally feel independent and useful and worthy. Whilst I’ve been waiting for that to all slot into place, I’ve still managed to have a wonderful year full of people I love, big adventures and new achievements.
This year, I have packed up my suitcase and caught planes and trains with my best friends to explore new cities and create new memories. Whether big, like Copenhagen in the spring, or small, like a weekend in York, they have been some of the times when I’ve laughed the most this year. I’ve dined in an old brothel, discovered secret cocktail bars, got lost along foreign streets, visited my first Sephora and chuckled at that dragon sculpture. Even when I haven’t been on holiday, I have enjoyed every minute spent with friends. From catch ups in coffee shops to hosting my own Dinner Party to hungover Netflix binges with Laura on Sunday afternoons, it has all been brilliant. I know everyone says this, but I really do have the best friends.
This has been my seventh year living in Edinburgh, and I love this city just as much as the first day I set up home here as a bright eyed 17 year old. I have spent long evenings at the Fringe, drinking cider and laughing and not wanting to go home. I have sampled meal after meal and cocktail after cocktail at the new bars and restaurants springing up across the city. I have been engrossed in new museums and delighted in introducing people to old attractions. Most of all, I have been proud of the success of my pet project with Laura, Every Edinburgh. Writing about this city and the wonderful things and people in it has made me fall in love with Edinburgh even more.
And finally, 2015 was the year I fell in love with a boy. I know I don’t say it enough (because I am a huge ice queen), but it’s true, I love you. The one benefit of being under/unemployed is that we’ve had so much of that precious commodity, time, to spend getting to know each other, and for that I’m very grateful. We’ve spent balmy early summer evenings picnicking in the Meadows, long weekends taking advantage of blogging perks to explore new places like Newcastle, weekday evenings getting slightly tipsy when the bars are all quiet and we have the place to ourselves, and cold winter days spent tucked up in bed watching back to back Nicolas Cage films. What more could a girl ask for?
So, 2016, I hope you’re good to me because I’m tired of feeling tired. I want to stop moaning about the things that are going wrong, because I really do appreciate the things that are going right.
I hope 2016 is good to you too. What have been your highlights of 2015?